.
- Previously on Warehouse 13...
- Whatever the effects of the astrolabe,
I'm afraid it's caused arthur
To have some sort of psychotic break.
- Artie killed Leena.
- He's been whammied,
Just like we've all been whammied at some point.
- We're reinstating you as soon as possible.
We see no need for punishment at this juncture.
- You can't be serious.
She died by my hand.
- And you will have to live with that.
- How many errant static-electricity balls
Are there?
- Here comes another one!
- Bring it, electric boogaloo.
Whoa!
Okay, drop it on the battery.
[electricity surging]
[imitates trumpet playing]
Ha ha ha!
Score one for some indian dude
Whose name I can't even pronounce.
- Okay, vyasa wasn't some dude.
He was the author of the vedas. - Yeah.
- The oldest sacred text ever written,
The basis of hinduism. - Never read 'em.
I'm waiting for the bollywood version.
Now, how many more sparkies we got left?
- You know what? Don't ask me questions
That you don't want to know the answer to, okay?
Pete?
- Hope this bad boy can handle four at once.
- Good job. - Whoa.
Whoa.
[electricity surging]
Myke!
- I don't think that bad boy does four.
- This is not my fault!
- We can talk about blame later.
- You're so gonna blame me.
[both gasp]
Myka, you're in black and white.
- You're in black and white. - I am not!
Aah! I'm in black and white!
- Oh, my god, our clothes, our clothes, they're like--
It's like 1940s.
- Oh, come on, not time travel again!
- No, no, it's not time travel.
The 1940s were in color, much like the rest of history.
- All right, then where are we?
- I don't know.
[horn honks]
- Okay, it's chicago in olden times.
Okay, okay, uh, focus.
Uh, retrace the steps.
Right, I had the--the elephant.
It shot lightning up into the stacks.
- Right, and then it was raining manuscript pages.
- Manuscript pages. All those pages were blank.
- Not all of them-- look.
- Okay, I'm gonna go with, "no, that is not a good title."
- I loved anthony bishop.
He was a '40s crime novelist, hard-boiled.
I read every single one of his books when I was a kid.
- Okay, so did you read kiss me, forever?
- No, that was his last one.
I don't--I don't think he ever finished it.
- That would explain the blank pages.
- Well, he went insane from writer's block and then...
Killed himself.
- Turning the manuscript into an artifact.
Swell.
♪
- Are you sure this is a good idea?
- He's been at that piano for days.
It's not healthy.
Also, I'm sick of that tune.
- It's gonna be hard to trick Artie.
- Please, I always got the lead
At the psychodramas at the institution.
Action.
- I'm telling you, it's a ping.
- And I'm telling you, it's a burglary.
- Classic cars are vanishing
From locked garages without a trace.
- ♪ burglary
- This one guy had a '52 desoto
On display in his living room like a trophy.
Now, a burglar would have had to take it apart
Piece by piece to get it out.
- If something was hinky, I'm sure Artie would know.
He's the ping king.
- [sighs]
- Isn't that right, your majesty?
- It's probably worth checking out.
Don't forget your neutralizer.
- Meh.
Sounds like a waste of time.
- Ow.
Yeah, I mean, the car was found with clean vin numbers
At a dealer in sioux falls.
- There's lots of '52 desotos.
- Yeah, but this one had a '53 hood emblem.
Makes it one of a kind.
- It's not one of a kind. It's flawed.
If the cars are literally vanishing,
It is an artifact.
File.
- Clearly I stand corrected.
- Oh, mark the date.
Keep your farnsworth handy
In case I need research when I'm in the field.
What? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
You're going without us?
- I can handle a simple snag-and-bag.
- Yes, of course you can,
But we should go with you.
- Why?
- Uh...
- W-we'd miss you?
- We'd miss a chance to learn from the master.
- The ping king.
- Also, safety in numbers.
Doesn't he always say safety first?
- I-I've heard him say that, yes.
- We want to see the cool hot rods.
- [sighs, chuckles]
Yeah, a-all right. We'll take scarlett.
- What, you named your new car?
- You wear torn clothing. We all have our quirks.
- So how's my acting?
- I'm not gonna lie to you.
- Any luck?
- [breathing heavily] I must've run for ten blocks.
The black and white goes on forever.
And everything smells like fudge.
What's our next move?
- Pete.
- I know my next move.
- I hear you're the best in town.
- I like what you hear.
- Please, I didn't know where else to turn.
My husband has disappeared,
And I think it has something to do with this.
- Look what else made the trip.
[jazz music]
♪
- So, miss...?
- Carson. Mrs. Rebecca carson.
- Mrs. Carson, how can we help you?
- Thank you. You're very kind.
I would love a cup of joe.
- Sorry?
- I think mrs. Carson would like you, my secretary,
To get her a cup of coffee.
- If it's not too much trouble.
- Two sugars in mine, doll.
- Oh, I will put a little extra something in yours, doll.
- So your husband likes elephants?
- Oliver was an archaeologist.
He found this jade relic in india.
He said it had magical powers.
- Hmm. Magical powers?
- Yes.
He was terrified it might end up in the wrong hands,
And now he's gone.
And I'm--I'm just so-- I'm frightened.
Well, I mean-- - Relax, toots.
Lattimer here is the best shamus in town.
- Thank you.
- I'm a what now?
- Excuse us a sec, will you?
- Uh-huh.
- [clears throat]
Myka, how does someone else have our artifact?
I dropped it before we got sucked in here.
- Well, it must have gotten pulled in with us.
And you and I fell into--into the roles
Of private detective and his gal friday.
- Secretary. - His gal friday!
Or you consult this case by yourself
While I make coffee.
Our artifact is what this story is about.
Both: The case of the missing jade elephant.
- Exactly.
- Myka, if this manuscript got turned into an artifact
Because of bishop's writer's block...
- And now we have a case to solve.
- Maybe the way to escape
Is to do what the writer couldn't do.
- And finish the story.
- And if "finish the story" means "find an artifact,"
Then that's good, because that's what we do.
- Yeah, except we don't have any of our tools here, okay?
We don't have any goo. We don't have a tesla.
We don't have any Warehouse backup.
- Yeah, but we got one thing going for us.
- What's that?
- [imitating bogart] nobody finds artifacts
Like we do, doll face.
Lady...
You got yourself a gumshoe.
- Ferrari 430 convertible. Yeah, what's that?
- Lamborghini countach.
- Yeah, and...
- '67 mustang fastback.
- Yeah, this place is definitely moving cars.
- It's nice.
- [clears throat] commission chaser at 9:00.
- Hi. I'm amy.
So I see you're looking at the mustang here.
You've got a good eye.
Well, it is a v-8--
- We're not here to buy. Sorry.
- Well, then you want to sell a car.
Excellent, because we are always looking--
- No, we're not selling either.
- Oh, window shoppers.
You know, I always say if you're looking, you're--
- Just take us to the owner, please.
Grand theft auto, fraud, aiding and abetting.
- You could do serious jail time.
- Or you could cooperate and tell us
How you're stealing cars from locked rooms.
- Of course.
And you could cooperate by showing me your warrant.
- That's really how you want to play this?
- It really is.
- Fine.
- Artie, don't!
- What the hell is that thing?
- Does your insurance cover "act of ray gun"?
'cause I'm gonna shoot every car in here.
- He's not lying.
- Whoa, okay, okay, okay. I've got a guy.
He gets me any car I need. It's like magic.
- What's his name? - I never met him.
I wire money into a cayman account
With car requests.
I'm not giving you my password.
- Passwords just slow me down.
- What else can you tell us about this phantom thief?
- Nothing. I get an anonymous email
Telling me where to pick up my car.
- Yeah, no help here.
Stealy mcthieferson is just sitting on his money.
No way to track him until he makes a withdrawal.
- We're gonna have to identify target cars in the area.
- Or we could get him to come to us tonight.
Mr. Lambeth. - Please don't shoot my cars.
- No, no, no, no, we need you to make a request
For a very specific car that's only in town for tonight.
- Very good, jinksy.
- Oh, scarlett.
- The dame said the last place she saw her husband
Was his office.
She may have said more,
But I was too busy staring at her gams.
The only thing stopping them going on forever was the floor.
- Pete, are you narrating?
- No, I'm just-- I'm getting into character.
- When other people are around.
Besides, this isn't a cheesy movie.
This is an anthony bishop novel.
- Hey, noir films are awesome.
- Yes, but bishop's novels are superb.
They had an elegance, a beauty.
- Myka ophelia Bering,
Are you actually enjoying this?
- No, I had a dog.
It doesn't mean I want to be trapped in one.
- Hello, handsome.
- Pete, wake up. Pete!
- [groans]
This book hurts.
- Welcome to the indigo club...
My club.
I must apologize for the manner
In which you were escorted here.
The boys can be a tad overzealous.
- Sure.
Untie us, and we'll call it jake.
- Of course.
After you tell me why you were at mr. Carson's office.
- We were looking for dope on who snatched him.
I guess we found it.
- No, Pete, he's looking for carson too.
Aren't you, mister...?
- Barnabas. Caspian barnabas.
You're quite astute for a woman.
- I went to college.
- I bet you did.
- You're after the jade elephant.
Aren't you?
- There is such a thing as too smart.
- You want to know a secret?
- I am awash with anticipation.
- Your goons went easy on me 'cause I'm a dame.
- Mm-hmm.
- They should've tied my ropes tighter.
Now, untie him, you big jasper.
- Jasper, ha ha!
Nice! What's it mean?
- There's been a terrible misunderstanding.
- Yeah, you misunderstood how kick-ass my partner can be.
- This club is, uh, merely a hobby.
I am, by vocation, shall we say,
A procurer of rare and valuable artifacts.
- Oh, yeah? Us too.
- Excellent. Kindred spirits.
I hired mr. Carson to find the elephant.
But alas, once found he decided to retain ownership.
- Why do you think that is?
- What motivates any man? Greed.
- I bet you know all about that.
- I paid him.
That means I am the owner of the jade elephant
And the wronged party in this sordid tale.
- Yeah, tell that to my aching jaw.
- Again, my sincere regrets.
- [groans]
- Here, a retainer
To find my elephant.
- Oh, please, dude, we already have--
- Eggs in the coffee, boss.
Come on, this'll be duck soup.
- You are enjoying this!
Carson may be our only lead,
But this place has already been tossed.
- Barnabas' goons must have missed something,
Otherwise he wouldn't have hired us.
- Yeah, and you took his money. Why?
- We're gonna need something,
Some cash while we're trapped in here and--
Kristieanne.
- What? Is that like jasper?
- Anthony bishop, the author--
His mother's name was kristieanne.
- Yeah, so?
- So...
- Oh, right, so the goons would never know that.
It's a plain old matchbook to them,
An unintended clue for us.
- Mm-hmm.
- "you're quite astute for a woman."
- Ugh.
- I need your guest book and no questions.
You got that, ace?
- Pete, it's the '40s.
You could have bribed him with $5.
- And I want change from that "c" note, see?
[door closes]
He's not coming back, is he?
- Someone's erased an entry.
- I think I got this one. - What?
- Raymond st. James did it in dark memento.
Augustus pitt rivers, 204.
That is a noir name if I ever heard one.
- Pete, augustus rivers is a real archaeologist.
- And our missing mr. Carson is an archaeologist.
He must be using rivers as his alias.
- That remind you of anything?
- I'd say there's a jade elephant in the room.
- Pete? The window.
- Carson!
Carson's still got the elephant.
- I don't think so.
This is oliver carson, and he's dead.
- All right, well, whoever killed carson has the elephant.
Either way, we don't.
- Pete, this isn't just a story
About a missing relic.
If carson's dead,
We're in a murder mystery.
- Great. Now we got to find the missing dingus
And put the finger on whoever rubbed out carson,
Or we're locked up in crazy town forever.
Why couldn't we have fallen into a cookbook?
- "classic-car buff Artie weisfelt
"bids a fond farewell to this 1964 convertible
"before it leaves for its new home--
Sinsheim, germany's auto & technik museum."
Hey, some nice shades.
- They're hiding his tears.
- This is great.
Hotel's name is clearly visible,
So the thief will know exactly where to find it.
- Yeah, lambeth sent this link with the money,
So all we have to do is wait for the thief to show up.
- Okay.
- Oh, my god.
Tell me you are not messing
With one of my tesla grenades.
- I'm not messing.
I'm making some improvements
So I can increase the blast radius.
- Okay, you know what?
First of all, you don't improve perfection.
You turn up the blast on this,
And it goes from stun to fry.
- Yeah, well, I'm not taking any chances.
If we have--
- And second, a subtler plan.
- Oh, you made a gps tracking device.
- Yes, I did. - It's very impressive.
- Thank you. - It says my car is in spain.
- What? - Brilliant plan.
- Okay, your--
Your little trick with the tesla grenade
Must have bumped it to a different frequency.
- This is my fault now? - I forgive you.
Nothing you can break that I can't unbreak.
Just let me know when you get the signal.
- All right.
This is very cool.
- If bishop couldn't solve his own murder mystery,
How are we supposed to?
- No idea, but if we don't,
We'll be trapped in black and white forever.
- Great. And I just got a good base tan.
Any chance you want to tell mrs. Carson her husband is dead?
- Oh, I'm just the secretary.
- Oh, fine. 'cause blondes dig me.
Maybe she'll want me to console her.
- Please don't.
We need her to tell us something she may have forgotten,
Even if it's insignificant.
- Can I help you?
- Yeah, we're working for mrs. Rebecca carson.
Is she home?
- I'm sorry. Who are you?
- Mrs. Carson hired us to find her husband.
May we speak with her?
- Is this a joke?
I'm rebecca carson.
- I'd say that's significant.
- I never thought he'd turn up at all.
- Yeah, and how's that?
- I assumed I'd never see him again...
After he took all my money
And ran off with that peroxide blonde.
- Can you tell us anything about her?
- She has terrible taste in men.
- A name would be more helpful.
- All I know is he met the little round heels
At the indigo club.
- Oh, that joint again.
Say, mykes...
When was the last time I took you dancing?
[big-band music]
- Thanks, pal.
♪
- So it's got to be the blonde, right?
She beat us to carson, killed him,
And took the artifact.
- Or she's working for barnabas.
- On the other hand, why would she hire us
To solve a crime that she committed?
- It's a good plot device.
Pete...
Someone's not happy to see us.
- Nobody's been happy to see us.
The '40s were rude.
♪
[music stops, applause]
- ♪ my darling
♪ after you've gone
♪ and left me crying
- Well, surprise, surprise.
- ♪ there's no denying
♪ you'll feel blue
♪ you'll feel sad
♪ you'll miss the bestest pal you ever had ♪
- Yowza.
Talk about a triple threat.
- We'll grab her after the song.
- Yeah, yeah, we'll, uh-- we'll blend...
Keep a low profile.
♪
- This is keeping a low profile?
- Well, everyone's either dancing or drinking,
And drinking isn't an option.
- ♪ your heart will break like mine, and you'll want me ♪
♪ only after you've gone
- [laughs]
Detective Lattimer, you cut a rug.
- Even though I'm incredibly manly,
That doesn't mean I ain't got no rhythm.
♪
- ♪ after you've gone
- 6:00.
- ♪ you're gonna miss me baby ♪
- If he killed carson, he's one cool customer.
- ♪ maybe someday...
- Yeah, and the hooch-slinger with the evil eye
Has lost interest in us.
- ♪ your heart will break like mine ♪
- That canary--that's one dame we know for sure
Ain't on the square.
- ♪ after you've gone
- Hands.
- Sorry, mykes. It's a force of habit.
- ♪ gone away
- She's made us. - Yeah.
♪
And instead of going for an encore,
It looks like she's going for a powder.
Let's go.
- [gasps]
- Good evening, mrs. Carson.
- Yes, I lied.
If I'd have told you the truth, you wouldn't have helped me.
- Now we'll never know, will we?
Now, what's your real name?
- Lily. Lily abbott.
Please, I wasn't trying to--
- Cut to the chase, lil.
You admit to killing carson,
Tell us where the elephant is,
We'll make sure you don't get the chair.
- But I didn't kill carson.
I was here rehearsing.
- It's time to start singing, sister,
And I don't mean no love song.
- I never meant for any of this to happen.
I'm not a bad girl.
- That's a baloney sandwich, and you know it.
Let me guess.
You're a small-town gal caught up in the wrong crowd.
Now you're in over your head,
And all you want is a way out.
Disappear and leave this life behind.
That the picture?
- How did you know that?
- I've heard that tune a hundred times--
Same song, different key.
Now sing me the chorus.
- But you already know half of it.
- Humor me.
I'll even start.
Barnabas has you under his thumb.
- He made me get close to mr. Carson,
To keep an eye on him while he searched
For the jade elephant.
- Get close, huh?
Is that '40s talk for "have sex with"?
[groans]
- How dare you?
I am a lady.
When oliver double-crossed mr. Barnabas,
I knew he was a goner.
That's why I hired you, to keep him safe.
- You fell for carson.
- I felt bad for carson, but I didn't love him.
I have a man,
And we're gonna run away from all of this.
- Sure you are, kitten.
- Please. Please, you've got to help me.
- Aw.
Save it for the coppers.
- You have been dying to play that scene, haven't you?
- Since I was 12. - Yeah.
- I have to recalibrate the whole thing.
What was Artie thinking?
He knows that he can't just mess with a tesla gren--
Oh, he can't hear me, can he?
- That is correct.
- What--what's correct?
What's she saying? - Nothing about you.
- Okay, this-- this could be our guy.
Tell her to get out of there.
- Claude, get out of there before the thief sees you.
- Come on, come on, come on, come on, Claudia.
Get out of there! [feedback buzzes]
- Calm down, I'll fix it en route.
- Look, Artie, she has a plan.
You've been overreacting all day.
[engine turning]
[tires squealing]
- We'll use Claudia's computer to hack into the traffic cams
And follow the car.
- Artie, Artie, your car drove through you.
Are you all right? - Yeah, I'm fine.
- Good. Now, what were you thinking?
- I was trying to save Claudia.
- How are you gonna save Claudia
By jumping in front of a moving car?
- No one else is dying on my watch!
[beeping]
Okay, she fixed the tracker.
Let's go. Do you mind opening the door?
[door beeps]
Why would you rent the same car you already own?
- I didn't.
I rented the same car that Claudia owns.
- Very cute.
Does it also tuck you in at night?
♪
- Tell me you didn't fall for lily's act.
- I don't know. It makes sense.
Barnabas kills carson, grabs the elephant.
- Pete, don't be fooled
By a pretty face and a bad dye job.
- Excuse me. Are you the private dick?
- Uh, why, yes. Yes, I am.
Mykes, did you notice how I didn't make a joke there?
I think I'm maturing.
- Look at this.
- It's got to be a trap.
- No, whoever wrote this--
We need to talk to them right now.
- [sighs]
Mykes, mykes.
Hey, Myka.
- I don't know how you got in here,
But you better take to the air.
- What do you mean, how we got in here?
We--we used the front door like everyone else.
- No, he's not talking about the club.
He's talking about the book.
- So you're a real person too.
- Pete, this is anthony bishop, the author.
- Oh, my god, I'm Myka Bering.
I'm a big fan. - I'm flattered, miss.
Now drop this case,
Or I shut both your private eyes for good.
- How'd you know I was me anyway?
- The handwriting on your cocktail napkin.
It matched the notes on your title page
Of your book.
- My manuscript.
How did you get in here?
- [chuckles]
Oh, man, you wouldn't believe it.
How did you get in here?
- I...
I just--
Oh, what's it matter?
- Please, mr. Bishop, it's important.
- Well, if you're a fan,
Then you know how I dedicate every book.
- "with love to my love."
They're all dedicated to your wife.
Right?
- Something happened to her.
- It happened so fast.
One day she was sick, then she was gone.
I threw myself into a new novel,
Wrote a few chapters,
And then, well...
The story was wrong.
My wife was all I could think about.
I'd sit in front of my typewriter and close my eyes,
And I'd imagine this world.
Then one day I opened my eyes.
I was here.
- So it wasn't writer's block that created the artifact.
It was grief.
- Yes, but our way out is still the same.
Mr. Bishop, in order for us to get out of this world,
We need to--well, we think we need to finish your story.
- Yeah, yeah, just tell us who did it,
We'll bring 'em to justice, grab our elephant.
Bingo bango, we all go home.
- No, I don't want this story to end.
Stop trying to solve it.
- It was you.
You erased carson's alias
From the-- from the hotel register,
Didn't you?
Why?
Mr. Bishop, what's here for you?
- Not what, mykes. But who?
I saw you looking at lily. You're in love with her.
- You stay away from lily.
She's special. She's--
- She's based on your wife.
- Look, mr. Bishop, we just want to get out of here, okay?
I mean, what's that have to do with lily?
- All of his books end with someone innocent dying
In a shootout.
In this one, it's supposed to be lily, isn't it?
- That's why you couldn't finish your story.
- I couldn't save her in the real world,
But I will in here.
So back off.
- Quit waving that iron around, you big palooka.
You're a writer, not a killer. - Pete.
- Well, maybe not.
But I can stop you from ever finishing this story.
I won't lose her again, see?
You're in this book for good.
- Mr. Bishop!
- See, this is why I don't read.
- Pete.
Come on, barnabas is our only lead.
- [sighs]
- We're not safe here anymore, darling.
We've got to skip town.
- Where will we go?
- Let's go there.
- Bora bora?
That's just a daffy dream.
- Oh, it's a dream I can make come true,
But we got to go tonight.
- It takes a lot of clams to get to bora bora.
- Hmm.
[indistinct chatter]
- Say, toots, you seen barnabas?
- He got a phone call, and he dusted out,
Left me a lousy nickel.
But, uh, I could keep you company
Until he gets back.
- Ah, rain check, sweetheart.
I promise.
- Hmm.
- Great.
They don't have star-69 or caller I.D. In the '40s.
- And this is why you should watch movies.
Operator. Say, doll, what's your name?
Doris. Ah, I love that name.
No, no, I really do.
Let me guess...
Sultry voice, intoxicating laugh--
You're a redhead.
[chuckles]
No, what do they say about redheads?
Jeepers, I'd like to find out if that's true.
Uh...
Say, doris, maybe you can help me out.
Any chance you listened in on the last call?
Maybe--I don't know-- something about an elephant?
Oh, brains too.
You're the whole package, doris.
Thanks, doll.
- You would've done great in the '40s.
- Charm is timeless.
- Or women got smarter.
- Hello, sparky.
Hello, artifact.
- Window shopper!
- Are you sure this is the place?
- According to my new pal doris,
He was buying an elephant on the 4th street bridge.
And I quote, "I know. It's weird, ain't it?"
- Pete, it looks like we're too late.
- Electric burns, just like carson.
- Pete, look at that.
The scratches--
They look like they were made by fingernails.
- Yeah, long ones.
It looks like he's been attacked by a woman.
Mykes, look at this.
- Barnabas fought back.
- Myka, we know a woman with long black hair.
- A woman who knew carson well enough
To know where he'd hide out.
- Yeah, who was really pissed
About her husband abandoning her.
- Rebecca carson, the jilted wife.
- Man, can't anyone in a bishop novel be trusted?
- Pete!
Rebecca, wait!
Don't do this!
- I loved oliver,
Until he found this stupid elephant
And dumped me for some dopey dame with a voice.
- What about barnabas?
Did he deserve to die too?
- Yes, barnabas was loaded with dough.
He promised to pay for the elephant,
Then decided he could just take it.
- So you killed carson because he had it.
You killed barnabas because he wanted it.
Now you're gonna kill me just for looking at it?
- You said it, sister.
- Aah!
[siren wailing]
Pete!
Pete, come on, wake up.
Pete!
[siren wailing]
- Pete!
Pete, come on, wake up.
Pete!
God, didn't cpr work in the 1940s?
- Aghh!
[gasping, groans]
- Thank god you made it.
That would have been a lousy ending.
- Did you get the elephant lady?
- No, I decided to stick around
And bring you back to life instead.
- Right. Good choice. Thanks.
Mykes, she's gonna need some dough
If she's gonna skip town.
- Rebecca thought barnabas had loads of it.
Pete, the indigo club. - Let's beat it.
- Tony, that's not enough scratch
To get us to san diego, much less bora bora.
- Relax, lil, I know the combination to the safe,
And barnabas has got plenty.
- You better know the combination.
Getting me that cabbage
Is all that's keeping your little chippy alive.
I'll fry you both before you can pull the trigger.
- Nice scam, sales lady--
Stealing cars and trying to sell them back to your boss.
- Cars deserve to be driven, okay?
People who lock them up like trophies
Don't deserve them.
- Sounds like stealing to me, but who am I to judge?
I'm about to steal those gloves from you.
- Claudia!
- [coughs]
- Are you all right?
- I am gonna be sore tomorrow.
- This place is locked up tight.
We'll never get out of here in time to catch up to her.
- Oh, steve of little faith.
Snagged one during the fight because I'm awesome.
- Okay, well, if she could-- you know what?
If she could make one glove work,
I want to see if this is safe.
- What? - Artie?
What are you doing?
Old man totally tricked us.
- Well, to be fair, he wasn't lying.
- You and your loogan just made a trip for biscuits.
Now I'm putting you in a wooden kimono.
- That's not even english.
- Doesn't matter, because this is over.
- You let rebecca walk out of here
So she lets lily go,
Or you both die.
- The dame already fried two people, bishop.
The first chance she gets,
She'll drop you both into deep freeze.
- I'll take my chances. - Tony, are you bananas?
They're on our side.
- Shut your trap, you dumb broad!
- Scram, or I throw lead.
- You don't want to lose someone you love.
I get it.
But this literally has to end.
- No, my life is here now, with lily.
- Tony, I love you.
But if you think I'd let you hurt anybody
Just to save me, well...
You don't know me at all.
- You're just like her...
Pure and sweet
And usually right.
- I know.
I love you, baby. - You're all I care about.
- Save it for the boat ride.
Bishop, there's no way that rebecca is a real person
Trapped in here too, is there?
- No, I based her on my mother-in-law.
- Well, you'll like this, then.
- Now, that's hard-boiled.
- The gloves belonged to carey loftin.
He did all the stunt driving on vanishing point and bullitt.
That's why they only work on cars.
- He was a one-take wonder.
He got every stunt the first try,
Never got a scratch on his cars.
- Loftin must have endowed the gloves
With the ability to make any car untouchable.
- What was that noise?
- It looks like the gloves can make any car untouchable
But just once.
Hence the one-take wonder.
- So your cars are crashable now?
- Don't worry. I've got a plan.
[tires screeching]
[horn honks] - Oh, god!
[engines revving]
- Artie, what are you doing? - I'm charging her.
She'll get scared. She'll brake.
- Yeah, what if she doesn't?
Artie, what if she doesn't stop?
Artie!
- Ha!
[tires screeching]
Yeah, see this wasn't my first drag race.
- His first field mission in a while
Was bound to have some hiccups.
He's fine.
- Right.
[jazz music]
- Okay, so why are we still here?
'cause we didn't bring the killer to justice?
- In a noir, a bullet is justice.
- Hey, mykes. - What?
- I think I'm getting some black-and-white vibage.
I'm working a hunch here,
But just cross everything you got, sweetheart.
- Nice.
How did you know that the fog would be our ride home?
It's the end of casablanca.
- They stole that from bishop, you know?
- And here he comes.
I guess they stole the tearful good-bye too.
- I don't understand.
We love each other. We can go to bora bora now.
- I can't stay.
I'm not from this world.
It's hard to explain.
Believe me, I don't want to go.
- Then stay with me.
- Be good, kid.
- What would happen if he stayed?
- The story's over.
I don't know if you get your happily ever after
Or you just fade away.
- One more second with her
Is a happier ending than a lifetime without her.
- Okay, now, that is a good line.
All right, all right, I'll read the books.
- [laughs]
[sighs]
- Go ahead. You know you want to.
- So...
The detective and his--
- Intrepid gal friday.
- The detective and his gal friday
Walked off into the fog
And left the lovers in their embrace--
An embrace that would last forever...
Maybe, just maybe.
Okay.
That was, um... [chuckles]
What was that?
- That was the stuff dreams are made of, sweetheart.
And also painful-- ah--
Really, really painful.
All the pages have writing on them now.
- We finished the story.
- It's just that jumping in front of a speeding car
With Claudia in the trunk
And playing chicken with a car thief,
Artie wasn't just putting himself in danger.
It was everyone.
And I know that he says that he was following his gut,
But I'm afraid that he's being unnecessarily reckless,
And I'm really worried about him.
- Thank you for your candor.
We've been worried about agent Nielsen as well.
This confirms our fears.
- What does that mean?
- It's time for the regents to act.
- When you asked me to keep an eye on Artie,
You said it was to help him.
- Trust us, agent Jinks.
- Well, wait a second.
Mr. Kosan, I know what it's like to go through trauma.
And the last few months are not something
That Artie will get through easily or quickly.
We need to be there for him,
Not bronze him or turn him into some H.G. Wells hologram.
- Noted, agent Jinks.
The less you know,
The better it is for agent Nielsen.
As I say, trust us.
- "he's very dashing."
I am dashing, aren't I?
What? "with a big, dopey grin"?
What? [scoffs]
[chuckles] I don't have a dopey grin.
What? Don't bogart the end.
- Pete, listen to this.
"it was a long trip,
"but it was worth it to see the look on lily's face
"when she pressed her toes into the sand of bora bora
"for the first time.
"neither of them had ever seen water this blue.
"she smiled, brighter than the tropical sun.
It made him happier than he'd been in a long time."
- Good for bishop.
- Yeah.
But...
You know, a warm, fuzzy ending
Doesn't really make sense
For a gritty crime novel.
- Well, maybe that's why he had writer's block.
He, uh...
Didn't realize he was writing a love story.